Where Stress Really Comes From and Why You Are Not the Problem

A fresh look at where stress really comes from and why lasting relief is closer than you think.

Stress Is Not What We’ve Been Told

Where does stress really come from?

That question has been quietly growing in me, especially as I’ve deepened my understanding of the Three Principles and started to see how much of what we believe about stress is simply not true.

I was sitting at a lovely networking lunch recently, listening to a conversation about stressful travel experiences. A woman was describing how a delayed flight home ruined the calm she had built up during her holiday. It struck me in that moment how much we’re taught to believe that stress comes from things like flight delays, full inboxes, difficult jobs or high expectations.

I used to think that way too. When I burned out, I could have given you a long list of the things that were stressing me out, and not one item on that list would have been my own thinking. I might have blamed my schedule, my responsibilities, even my own perceived shortcomings. But never once did I think that the experience of stress could be coming from inside me.

The World’s Story About Stress

The dominant narrative in our culture is that stress is something we catch from our circumstances. There are endless articles listing the top five or ten most stressful life events, as if stress is built into certain situations. We all go along with this. We nod and say, yes of course, moving house is stressful. Being a teacher is stressful. Travelling is stressful.

Here’s what I’ve come to see from a Three Principles perspective. The circumstances are never the source of our stress. The situation may be real, but the experience of stress is created by our thinking about the situation.

There is always the thing that is happening like the flight delay, the pressure at work and then there is our thinking about the thing. Those two realities are not the same. In fact, our experience of stress is entirely dependent on what we make those circumstances mean.

The Friday and Sunday Effect

One way this becomes very clear is in how different a job can feel depending on what day it is. On a Friday afternoon, doing the same work can feel lighter, easier, maybe even enjoyable. Why? Because we are starting to think about the weekend. We feel the end in sight, and our body responds with relief.

Then Sunday evening rolls around, and suddenly the thought of that same job feels heavy, urgent and hard. The work has not changed, but our thinking has and so has our experience.

The Bird at the Window

Recently, I had a moment that really brought this home. I was working in my office when I heard a kerfuffle outside. I looked out to see a cat and a small bird. I banged on the window to scare the cat away.

The bird appeared, hopping frantically against the glass, as if trying to come inside. I think it knew it would be safer in here. Then, once the cat had gone, the bird simply carried on with its day. Hopped off into the garden like nothing had happened.

That moment stayed with me because we humans don’t tend to do that. Something happens, we react, and then we hold onto it.

We replay it.

We analyse it.

We wonder if we should have done something differently.

But from a Three Principles perspective, that emotional energy was meant to rise and fall on its own. The stress response is not the issue. It is the holding on that keeps it alive.

You Are Not Your Stress

So many of us live in the belief that stress means something about us. That it means we are not coping. That it means we have done something wrong, but it doesn’t mean any of that.

Stress is just a sign that we are caught up in a fast train of thought. We are in the middle of believing thoughts like:

“You’ve got to do it all”

“You are running out of time”

“You are falling behind.”

Then we feel that thinking in the body in sensations we might call urgency, tightness or panic.

It looks and feels so real.

From a Three Principles perspective, those feelings are not evidence of a broken you, they are simply signals that your thinking has sped up.

The Pause That Changes Everything

For me, the most helpful shift has been learning to pause.

Not to fix anything.

Not to manage the stress.

Just to notice.

When I pause and become aware that I am off centre and I am tightening or holding my breath, I can gently come back to the present. I feel my feet on the ground. I breathe deeply. I don’t try to chase the thoughts away. I don’t need to solve anything.

When we stop trying to manage stress, when we stop adding more thinking on top of it, our system settles naturally. The body knows how to come back to balance.

You Are the Awareness, Not the Weather

There is something deeply reassuring about knowing that you are not your thoughts. You are not even your emotions. Those things move through like weather patterns.

What is constant is the awareness beneath it all.

The calm.

The clarity.

The spaciousness.

The truth of who you are has never been touched by stress, no matter how intense your thinking has felt.

When you see that for yourself, everything begins to change.

What If Nothing Is Wrong?

Next time you feel that whirlwind of stress, what if instead of doing more, you simply paused? What if you gently asked yourself, “what really needs fixing here?”

You will probably find the answer is nothing at all. You might notice that what looked like a problem was just a thought passing through.

When you stop believing every thought that tells you to hurry, to fix, to achieve, to earn your rest, you may find that peace was always just a breath away.

Let’s Talk

If this perspective is landing with you and you’re curious to explore it more deeply, I’d love to invite you to book a Thriving Life Clarity Call. It’s a gentle space to reconnect with your own clarity, and to see what is possible when stress no longer runs the show.

Let’s explore the truth of who you are beneath the noise.